HEAR YE, HEAR YE. By order of His Imperial Majesty the Emperor of Burgers, Chief Executive Sovereign of Emperorburger and its subsidiary bun territories, the following safety advisory is hereby decreed for the Halloween season, effective immediately and retroactively.
Article I: Regarding Hauntings
Any burger found to be haunted shall be escalated to the Royal Department of Continuous Support. Diners are reminded that a burger moaning softly is not a defect. It is engagement.
Article II: Regarding Cheese
Cheese shall drip in an orderly, downward fashion. Any cheese observed dripping upward constitutes a paranormal event and must be documented in triplicate before consumption.
Article III: Regarding Images
Subjects are reminded that all Emperorburger burgers are crafted from locally sourced images. Attempting to bite one’s screen is discouraged and voids the Imperial warranty. Extra fingers, melted bun geometry, or a sixth sesame seed arranged in a pentagram are normal artifacts of our premium process.
Article IV: Regarding Costumes
- Diners dressed as consultants will be billed at consultant rates.
- Diners dressed as the Emperor will be knighted, then sternly corrected.
- Diners dressed as Sesame Seed Capital executives will be offered a mild, plant-forward glare.
Article V: Enforcement
Violations of this decree shall be addressed through a series of architectural solutions, beginning with a strongly worded slide deck and escalating to a mandatory offsite. The Emperor’s judgment is final, unless a stakeholder alignment session determines otherwise.
I read Royal Decree 31-10 aloud to my team and three of us have since become loyal subjects. It is the most compelling governance document in the burger sector.
Gwendolyn Pivot, CEO of Sesame Seed Capital
So it is written. So it is grilled. Long live the Emperor.